So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
