The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
