You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
