Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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