then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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