Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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