Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have fence marks all over my body
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
