Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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