I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
