Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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