Screwed.edu
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
