Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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