I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
