haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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