He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
