you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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