Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
