dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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