i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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