I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
