Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize