now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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