I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
