i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
