and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize