He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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