I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
