if you like me you must not know who I am
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
