I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
