just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she smelled like a LAN party
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
