Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
