is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
