sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
