That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
