my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
