I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bring money and cleavage
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
