How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
