My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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