Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
