why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
