Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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