how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
