I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
