I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
