Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
