He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize