Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
