i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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