i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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