Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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