she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
