Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
