My room smells like vodka and shame
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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