To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
