Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize