After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
