He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
