I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
