I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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