oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
