He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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