she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it penis luge time yet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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