making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
