you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
