This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
