Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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