Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
