if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
