i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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