first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
