I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
