Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
